Baked Goods

Refreshment

In the lobby of the Gateshead Hilton hotel in Northern England, a middle-aged couple shuffle out of the elevator and head towards the front desk, dragging luggage behind them. As the woman begins the process of checking out, the man wanders over to a large, decorative, waterfall-style fountain in the center of the room. He peers quizzically into the water, then takes an empty plastic Evian bottle from the pocket of his raincoat and proceeds to dunk it into the bottom of the fountain, filling it. He holds the now full bottle of water up and briefly scrutinizes it, before tiliting it back and drinking half the bottle in one big chug. He smacks his lips, satisfied, then loudly calls across the lobby: "Don't turn in the key, darling - I've forgotten my Harley Davidson book in the toilet."

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Tesco Frozen Foods Section

Post-Election Day Special

In the center of Eldon Square, in the city of Newcastle Upon Tyne, a 30something man in a baggy tracksuit is singing a series of modified pop songs by Outkast and the Black Eyed Peas - with new Christian-themed lyrics - into a portable karaoke machine as lunchtime office workers stroll by. As the man belts out 'I'm Bringing Jesus Back" to the tune of Justin Timberlake's 'Sexy Back', a pale, skinny 20something man clutching a steaming kebab walks up, wearing a t-shirt with the word 'Dumbfuckistan' printed across a drawing of the United States on the front, and stops to observe. As the young man begins to wolf down his kebab, he nods his head in time with the beat.

Welcome Wagon

Guy Fawkes Day

At a Ravenscourt Park fireworks display commemorating the November 1605 capture and execution of Guy Fawkes for attempting to blow up Parliament, a booming voice with a thick South London accent crackles over the P.A., interrupting the festivities.

"Can I have your attention, please... before we set off the fireworks, I have a quick announcement. I have a little boy named Simon here in the DJ booth with me. He's lost his Auntie. Simon is wearing... (pause) ...Simon is wearing grey track pants and a red shirt with a picture of Jesus Christ on it. If you are Simon's Auntie, please come and collect him at the DJ booth. Thank you."

The P.A. shuts off and Dee-Lite's "Groove is in the Heart" begins to blast across the park.